A Photo

Twilight fall upon all souls
Darkening our skin and bone
Soon I’ll follow Prudence home
Until then, just let me chase this sun

Soon enough I’ll go, a winters way
Soon enough, though not this day

Soon enough I’ll go, winters way
Soon enough-

Stay the winter, oh, one more day
Leave me to my child's play

-Puscifer, Autumn

Look at the man in that picture. He's got it all, right? Perfect boys, reasonably good looks, it seems to be a beautiful day and what's that twinkle in is eye. Having been there I can clue you in to that one too: his beautiful wife, whom he loves more than anything, is taking the photo. He is on top of his world.

Of course no photo could capture a truly complete picture of a life, but even just a moment like this in your life is something to be grateful for.  I had 45 good years, including some great ones toward the the end. Compared to so many others, my life has been full and blessed. To complain now that it is not as full and blessed as some seems a bit like a rich man being jealous of richer men. Still, it's hard to see so much life going on around me and not being able to join it.That is the single worst thing about my current state, the isolation. Smell the meal but you can't eat. See your bike still hanging in the garage but you'll never ride it. See your wife's body but you can't reach out and touch it.

In so many ways it would have been easier if I just died in some horrible bike crash on May 1,  2013 instead of getting the death sentence I was handed. There have been so many great moments since then though that I would still take ALS over the quick way out. Even now.