Night

Nighttime is the worst. Stuck in one place for hours, sleep comes in fits and starts. Only my thoughts to keep me company, I often descend to a realm of self pity: why me, what  if, what next. It's not that I am in pain or anything, just constant discomfort. It's like trying to sleep in a room that's too hot except I can't toss and turn so I just lie there looking for the first dim light of dawn. Listening for the uptick in the humm of early morning traffic as long distance commuters begin their day. If I am ever ready for this all to be over, to die, it's in these lonely, uncomfortable hours.

As I see my first face of the day, usually Stephanie, nighttime fades into the place where past suffering goes. I have always found it fascinating how quickly the worst suffering fades in your mind after it is done. I don't give it another thought until the night comes around again. I suppose it's a normal human coping mechanism, this forgetfulness or maybe I really haven't suffered that much. Either way, morning brings, even for me, new hope and possibilities.